Rotten's Book of Poems - *New Poem - 07-10-2008*

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Are These Poems Good Enough To Sell In A Book?

Yes, Everybody should/would buy the Book!!!
14
56%
Yes, But I Don't Think Anyone Would Buy...
3
12%
No, They're not even good enough to post!
1
4%
No, But They're not that bad...
7
28%
 
Total votes: 25

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[FnG] LonesomeDrifter
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Postby [FnG] LonesomeDrifter » Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:16 pm

[FnG] Rotten_Emu wrote:Thanks for the feedback Lonesome, and although I find it very helpful I will not go back and change my past poems again... (call me stubborn or something). Also, some poems aren't meant to be all poetic, rhyme or in a single rythm... some poems try to get soemthing across by the absence of rhyme and rythm... try not to say it's a flaw, rather ask yourself why I did it this way...


I see. In that case, I like your narrative style :wink: . Good job, but I disagree with the "drunks" part, they NEVER make mistakes. NEVER! :twisted: j/k

Homer Simpson (drunk of his @$$): "I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute, I shouldn't listen to me, I'm drunk!" *drives off*
:D
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Postby [FnG] 7uh » Sun Aug 28, 2005 6:39 am

One thing I like about your poems are that they're written in very simple language. It gives them an unusual beauty. I think sometimes they risk sounding clichéd, but that more often the simplicity of the language really gives a depth to the emotions in your poems.

The poems on terrorism reminded me of a song I wrote in the late '90s, loosely based on the interview and execution of Timothy McVeigh, one of those responsible for the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. I think I was trying to say something similar to what you talk about in these poems -- that as much as the terrorist might try to coat this senseless violence with some sort of higher purpose, it's still nothing more than senseless violence.

I thought I'd post it, since Phoenix set a precedent by posting one of his, but if you don't think it's appropriate to have in this thread, let me know and I'm happy to take it down. Just thought you might find it interesting.

Here's an mp3 demo of the song. (It kind of roxxorz, you might like it)

-----

Killer

The killer looks each of you in the eye
Your searching gaze looks for signs of defiance
But back of those baby blues, nothing is living
Nothing save emptiness

I know you’re looking for some explanation
I’m sure I would be too, if I were you
But something in me suspects that there’s no reason
Behind this action

Try to possess everything you desire
Break the dam, ride the wave, thrust your hand in the fire
But the experience leaves you strangely hollow
Cast aside the tower of blocks, and survey what follows

The dying man waits for it
His certainty is like an artificial purpose
I can’t believe he sees his self-deceit
There was no cause, no applause
No roses at his feet

-----

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[FnG] Rotten_Emu
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Postby [FnG] Rotten_Emu » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:06 pm

yeah I like the song and lyrics... it's off course obvious that it's a lyric and not a poem...

As long as the Poem is serious (try to avoid the spam, etc) I think it's ok to post it here... but not many people read it still... I think if you want everybody to read your Lyrics or hear your song you could better post it in a different Thread.

Anyways, The Reason(s) of my Return! Two Poems, Enjoy...

The Fire Burns

The wood is caught by the fire,
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Blazing flames consume the wood,
And he tries to stay away from the light.
He fights the flames in a battle, that
No man could win but, doesn’t surrender.
Courage or stupidity, or maybe both.
If death sends a message, return to sender.

I close my eyes, I can no longer see
What happens to the hope of men
But through my closed eyes I see the flames
I hear the cries and wished I ran.
But I stood still, I did not move.
I wanted to be here, I wanted to stay
My hands on my ears did not deafen me
From the sounds. let me go, let me run away.

Even with my covered eyes and ears,
The heroes will still fall from grace.
There is still nothing you and I can do,
About this man and his end of days.
I wanted to walk into the fire and safe,
The man. But my hands are tied, there is nothing
I could do, but stare into the flames and think
Why the hell would you do such a thing?

==============================================
That's one, I think it's a genuine poem, for everybody it can mean something, but the meaning you give to it is never wrong... Tell me what you think...
==============================================

Angel From Darkness

From the darkness comes an Angel,
carrying no light but a twinkle in her eyes.
Enlighten me with your flames,
because these flames of you can heal
the wounds that tear me open…

She comes from darkness but it is not
a dark angel that I see here before me.
Through an empty space she found me,
an empty void that does not exist.
Yet the words still come across…

The words mean more then the ones
all the people say to me, from their mouths
it seems to be all so empty, it means nothing.
There is only one that makes a difference
From the darkness came an Angel…
==============================================
A poem for somebody special... she means a lot to me so... this might work for Girls (or guys if you change some words) you hold dear as well...

As always: Comments, Feedback, Suggestions, Anything, It's all Welcome!!!
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Postby [FnG] LcNessie » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:12 pm

an empty void that does not exist.
Yet the words still come across…


...Still puzzling on that one...

What do you mean: an empty void that does not exist

Is it a REALLY really empty void, or is it actually not a void? In the first context the second phrase makes sense, in the second not...
With kind regards, Mathijs
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Postby [FnG] LonesomeDrifter » Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:47 am

[FnG] LcNessie wrote:
an empty void that does not exist.
Yet the words still come across…


...Still puzzling on that one...

What do you mean: an empty void that does not exist

Is it a REALLY really empty void, or is it actually not a void? In the first context the second phrase makes sense, in the second not...


Let's see, I think it was Periminides from the school of pre-Socratic Eleatics who said something to the effect of "not being does not exist, for then it would be being, but not-being cannot be being" (paraphrased). I just saw the similarity here and thought it might be an interesting thing to post (not necesarily directly linked to the poem, but...).

Peace,
Drifter
Zeno said that movement does not exist, thus I could not types this post, or even post it. It is all just an illusion, and thus I did not really spam :D
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Postby [FnG] Rotten_Emu » Sat Sep 10, 2005 11:39 pm

For your enjoyment: A Cryptic one...

I…

For Everything you do to me
Every day and every night
All the times I think of you
Regardless of what you say
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Postby [FnG] pyxie.T32 » Sun Sep 11, 2005 7:06 pm

I like it Emu, I will not ruin the surprise for everyone else though, there is more there than meets the eye at first, good job.
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Postby [FnG] 7uh » Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:09 am

[FnG] Rotten_Emu wrote:I think if you want everybody to read your Lyrics or hear your song you could better post it in a different Thread.

Nah, it was basically just for you, since it reminded me of one of your poems. It isn't something I'd do very often.

I like the new fire one, by the way ...
(not that I don't like the other; the fire poem just really struck me.)

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Postby [FnG] Rotten_Emu » Wed Sep 14, 2005 7:23 pm

Knowing Nothing

Nothing Has Changed, it all remains
The same as yesterday, the same
as tomorrow comes by I get hope
For a new day, a new life, but alas
it is not so, because it can not be
what I want it to be, I'm not sure
what I want is to be accepted.
===========================

I tried something with the setup of the sentences... I hope it comes over on you as I meant it should... Feedback, replies, comments, anything really... would be appreciated...
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Postby [FnG] pyxie.T32 » Fri Sep 16, 2005 8:14 pm

yup, I like it, again more mature than the earlier ones and also more approachable, the use of enjamberment is nicely handled if a tiny bit obvious but it is effective none the less. also the rythem has a nice flow you have managed to use iambic pentameters, I dont know if that is deliberate, either way, good job Emu.
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Postby [FnG] Rotten_Emu » Tue Oct 11, 2005 9:52 pm

I cleaned up my room (quick call the papers!!!)... but seriously though.. I found some older poems... one year back or so... (off course I fixed them up a bit :D:P)

=========================
Just a moment

A moment of silence,
A moment of peace,
Between the waking moment
And that of the sleep

Only a second, just a heartbeat,
Then back to the real world
Back to hellfire’s heat.

A moment of silence,
A moment of peace,
When I stare to the dark
And empty my mind.

Only a flash, it is enough
To go back to reality
To the difficult and rough.

A moment of silence,
A moment of peace,
Is no longer enough to save
Me from going insane.

Only a Flash, just a small thought,
What once was enough,
No longer turns a shake to a nod.

=========================

Spotless and Clean

The white walls are not what they seem,
If you look they appear to be spotless and clean.
But In fact, if you wanted, you could try,
Just look at them and see what comes by.
In time the surface will change…

No more white just the rattling of chains.
It is then that I realize that I was caught,
Arrested, imprisoned, left there to rot.
But it was not by car nor by boat,
That they brought me to this place so remote…

They did not use any cuffs or restrains,
They just talked and exploited my pains.
For years I have struggled and fought.
It was of no use, this time I have lost.
Imprisoned within the walls of my soul…

Breaking free should be, my ultimate goal.
But I don’t want to go on, I give up!
Just tear me apart I don’t give a F***!
For nothing I live, for nothing I stay,
I don’t want to go on, the answer is Nay!

So death, come on, come and claim what is yours.
Nobody cares, they will show no remorse.
I cannot give what is not mine,
But it is yours to take, it is the end of the line.
The chains started to fade, the evidence is gone.

You no longer see but the fight, it goes on.
The walls are turned back, it didn’t take long.
The pains from within are held back, they are gone.
The walls are once more spotless and clean,
But they still hold a secret that cannot be seen.

=============================

I think I was angry while I wrote this one :D:P (it was also an attempt to shock my English teacher... who just said: "Nice but the rhyming is not that good")
I Hurt You Back

There is nothing I would rather do,
then stab a knife right through you.
And there is nothing I would rather see,
Then your wet eyes asking me.
"What have you done, What did I do?"
Well You hurt me and now I hurt you...

Now you're lying on the floor
bathing in your filthy gore
Sobbing in self pity
but did you ever cry for me?
and you die but I don't care
I walk away, think "Life is Fair"
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Postby [FnG] pyxie.T32 » Tue Oct 25, 2005 3:34 am

better and better lad, I like them, the one that apparently doesnt rhyme is probably strongest, also be aware that deliberate use of skewed ryhmes can give a stronger effect, many war poets used it to juxtapose the beauty of language with the carnage around. very impressive indeed, a lot more convincing than the early ones, I really like 'em, nice job Emu, keep it up and as an experiement try to constran yourself to certain rules such as a sonnet form, very hard but worth it sometimes, also if you can do thatm you can do anything!
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Postby [FnG] LcNessie » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:31 am

[FnG] 7uh wrote:[...]killer[...](It kind of roxxorz, you might like it)


YUP! It does, and I do too... (That is, It roxxorz, and I like it too... Of course, I am teh roxxorz also, of course... I mean, come on!...)

Performed by the Mold Monkies, or is this a solo project? Nice work! However, the white noisy chaossy thingy in the end was a bit cliché, although strangly appropriate...
With kind regards, Mathijs
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Postby [FnG] Rotten_Emu » Mon Nov 28, 2005 7:32 pm

Two New Poems!!! (and the crowd goes yey)

Just Start…

What you wanted to do,
What you wanted to say,
What you wanted to be,
Just for one day…

Life is not over,
This is merely the start,
So do what you want,
Follow your heart.

======================================

You and only You

All these people who pretend,
To care for the things you say and do.
They are all wrong when they think,
To know what is good for you…

There is only one who really knows,
Only one that bears the consequence.
That one is you and you alone,
So please use some common sense.

Ignore not the good advice they give,
But don’t give into everything they say.
Because you will have to life with it,
You will have to face it, every single day.

=======================================

or maybe not "yey" but still... Any comments, suggestions and ideas are welcome (as always) I like feedback! :D:P
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Postby [FnG] LcNessie » Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:03 pm

Wow, yer pulling out of the dark ages? Nice positive attitude. No more Angst :D
With kind regards, Mathijs
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