Headlines amuse me!

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[FnG] 7uh
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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Wed May 28, 2008 3:24 am

I figure plenty of time has passed for double-posting to be an issue. From CNN.com today:

Space station's lone toilet is broken

It wasn't that I found the headline itself amusing -- it was more the circumstances. Picture yourself, an astronaut on the International Space Station, and the only toilet on board is inoperable.

What do you do? You can't just take it outside. It's three degrees Kelvin in the outhouse, Sparky -- not to mention the blood in your naughty bits start to boil as soon as you unzip.

Meanwhile, with nowhere to go (so to speak), the nasty stuff is backing up inside the space station with alarming speed. Think the apartment maintenance-guys scene in Brazil. :shock: :shock: :shock:


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[FnG] Da Kril
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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] Da Kril » Wed May 28, 2008 4:54 am

Jan. 3, 2007, CNN headline:
Baby pandas! Baby pandas! Baby pandas!

also from CNN:
Boy, 6, talks books, love, armpits and poop
well now, how well-rounded he seems! *barf*


[FnG] 7uh wrote:I figure plenty of time has passed for double-posting to be an issue.
This is incorrect. So much time has passed that double-posting is NOT an issue.
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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Wed May 28, 2008 11:32 pm

This just in from a world where there is justice after all ...

’N Sync Creator Sentenced to 25 Years In Jail

(it was for fraud, not for creating N Sync -- I figure that's similar to jailing Al Capone on income tax evasion charges)

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] spim » Thu May 29, 2008 11:59 pm

:lmao: finally .. justice is served! .... (for above post)

CNN has two headline slots for each news category on the lower half of its page.
One of the two today is:

The most unusual covers in the history of SI

"Hmm .. let's see .. there sure are lots of sports things going on in the world. But, what's the most important to tell the public? . . Why, that would be us!!!"

morons... :roll:

and not so dumb, but I just love the mental imagery for:

Monkeys control robots with their minds

... soon to be a new blockbuster film by Jerry Bruckheimer
Hey, Hawking! ... I got your "Dark Matter" right here, pal!

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Re: Headlines abuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Fri May 30, 2008 8:42 pm

From that bastion of sports journalizmz, ESPN.com:

Ga. Tech pitcher's overdose linked to heroin use

Obviously there's no shortage of tragedy in this story, but really -- is there any excuse for writing a headline like this? My first response was "Well, duh, did they think his overdose was going to be linked to his use of hair gel?"

What the headline was trying to say is simply "Ga. Tech pitcher died from heroin overdose." I guess it didn't fill out the teaser line quite enough.

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:46 pm

Secretive refinery plans spook farm town

"Plans" is supposed to be a noun and "spook" a verb in this, but I read it with "plans" as a verb and "spook farm" as a compound adjective.

So instead of what they meant -- "Secretive plans for an oil refinery are making people in a rural area nervous" -- I read it as "Secretive refinery develops a community in which ghosts are cultivated."

In this case, three successive words in the headline (plans, spook, farm) can be a noun or a verb. Recipe for disaster.

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] Da Kril » Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:52 pm

That's pretty funny — what an embarrassing mess of (extremely) poor editing.

Hey, editor, did you read this at all?
:roll:

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] Neecap » Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:15 pm

[FnG] 7uh wrote:Secretive refinery plans spook farm town

Hahaha

I wonder how they go about growing ghost crops
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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] Da Kril » Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:19 pm

111-Year-Old Fathers Children, is Rewarded with Three Chicks
actual story

It's never too late. Well, if you're a lizard.
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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:03 am

Cow scares off bear stealing apples
"Hey, you lousy apples! Quit trying to purloin those bears!"

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] spim » Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:14 pm

In an ad I just got from Circuit City (big electronics retail store chain) .. they want me to:

Pre-order the season's hottest games while they last!

hurry! ... get them before they run out .... before they're even here .... **sigh**
Hey, Hawking! ... I got your "Dark Matter" right here, pal!

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Thu Sep 11, 2008 5:04 pm

[FnG] spim wrote:Pre-order the season's hottest games while they last!

Yeah, all sorts of game sellers try to perpetrate this crap. Drives me crazy.

"Hey, do us a favor and pre-pay a deposit on a game that won't come out for months -- you'll increase our sales and stabilize our inventory -- at no benefit to you!!"

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Thu Nov 06, 2008 6:32 pm

Legendary singer Joan Baez finally happy
Jeez, took her long enough ...

I would have thought this was an Onion headline, but no, there it is on CNN.com.

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] 7uh » Tue Nov 18, 2008 7:31 pm

The legendary triple-post! Ban that man for eternity plus one-and-a-half ... :-P

Attorneys can't prove gun is gun

Has the courtroom turned into some sort of esoteric philosophical forum?

"That's a gun."
"But you can't prove it's a gun."
"But it's clearly ... a gun."
"Show me your proof."

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Re: Headlines amuse me!

Postby [FnG] LcNessie » Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:02 pm

politie arresteert 28 boeven

Translation: Police arrests 28 crooks

GEE, WHO WOULD'VE THUNK IT?! :crazy: :tease:

http://www.nu.nl/news/1845050/14/rss/Po ... oeven.html

The head has now been edited to say 'Police arrests 28 convicted criminals on the run', which makes a bit more sense in my opinion... :) Although still open for interpretation...
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